Selfish People Make Nice People Sick

I just got this in my email. The article calls selfish people narcissists...but it's the same thing. Selfish is just easier for everyone to identify with. Because I have been surrounded by selfish people throughout most of my life, and because I have been sick a lot, I can relate to this well. Read this and see if it sounds like someone you know. Then read what I have written at the bottom of the page.

Career Watch: Dealing with 'It's All About Me' syndrome
August 4, 2008 (Computerworld) This feature originally appeared in Computerworld's print edition. The 'It's All About Me' Syndrome
Five years ago, Jean Ritala had never heard the term narcissism. Then someone described her as having been "stung by a narcissist" and shared books and Web sites with her on the topic. Now, besides being the IT support services manager at Mystic Lake Casino Hotel in Prior Lake, Minn., Ritala educates and coaches others on how to deal with narcissists.

Narcissists show a pervasive need for attention and admiration and a lack of concern for others. But are they dangerous in the workplace?

"The cost to organizations from narcissism in the workplace is staggering," as the narcissist's co-workers become ill with stress, teamwork deteriorates, projects fail and turnover rises, says Ritala.

"Up to one-third of a narcissist's victims in the workplace will quit the company or transfer to another department if nothing is done" to address the behavior, she says.

Once she had become educated on the topic of narcissism, Ritala began to recognize narcissistic traits in the workplace. Feeling that it is a problem that is pervasive but too often ignored, she and management consultant Gerald Falkowski wrote a booklet on the topic, called Narcissism in the Workplace (Red Swan Publishing USA, 2007).

Ritala, former president of the IT Service Management Forum - U.S., spoke recently with Computerworld about dealing with narcissism in IT organizations.

Is narcissism prevalent within IT organizations? I think IT is more competitive than some parts of the business, so yes. But people are getting educated. Five years ago, few people knew about narcissism. Now there are online discussion groups which deal with the topic. And the dynamics of the workforce have changed so that narcissist personalities are standing out more.


Traits of the Narcissist
Some of the characteristics that identify narcissists:

They are successful and goal-oriented but show no empathy or concern for others.
They are charismatic, well spoken and funny.
They disrespect boundaries and others' privacy.
They patronize and criticize others.
They can be cruel and abusive toward peers, but charming in front of their managers.
They expect special treatment and privileges.
They are manipulative and pit co-workers against one another.
They abhor criticism or disagreement.
They are anxious or paranoid, reacting with rage when they can't control a situation or their behaviors are exposed.


What steps can IT managers take to address these issues? You need a health care professional, like a psychologist who specializes in employee counseling services, to get involved. Managers need to document behaviors and not be afraid to go to HR and say, "This is what I'm seeing and what people are telling me."

Once narcissistic employees are identified, how do you deal with them? HR should encourage them to use an employee-referral service such as counseling. Some narcissists, when confronted, can see how their behavior is impacting staff and their own performance. If they can't, HR has to calmly play back what they did. And you must establish firm boundaries, with timely, progressive consequences. You need to follow up to see if behaviors are improving or getting worse. But people's behavior patterns typically don't change unless they get help or become enlightened. And once a narcissist's behaviors are observed and documented, they can become even more cruel and offensive, since they no longer can hide their behaviors and rationalize them away.

Susan again: If you are surrounded by selfish people like I used to be, start asking God to surround you at work and at home with only people who are as unselfish. loving and giving as you are. I did this, and within a year, my life and the people around me had totally changed. If I did this, you can do it too ;-)

Inspiration: this is my husbands' and my personal saying: It's never too late to start a great tommorrow!